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Can you please tell me and my friend what you think of this chapter she wrote please?

Ok so this is the full chapter 1. It refers to my previous question which was, My friend needs help with this vampire book she's working on? So in order to answer this question, you must read that question. Just type: My friend needs help with this vampire book she's working on? Ok so here it is. Looking for Blood Chapter 1 All was quiet in Rivertown Cemetery. Nothing could be heard until the autumn leaves on the ground began to rustle. Just then a cloud of black dust was floating outside the cemetery. Suddenly two eyes appeared in the middle and it was scanning for a particular coffin. At last he found it and said, "There she is. Sweet, little Cara is resting peacefully." Then he chuckled evilly, "But not for long." Then the thought to itself, "I need blood but I am too old.I need a vampire to drain the blood for me. And if I'm not mistaken that should be her coffin." His gaze was on a black coffin in the middle of an arch. The dust went through the gate and made its way to the coffin. It muttered some words and then it opened. There she lay, old and wrinkly yet still beautiful. The dust circled around her and touched her. It muttered a few more words and disappeared. Cara opened her eyes and arose from the coffin. She stepped out and looked around her. All she saw was a gray sky, tombstones and autumn leaves blowing past her. Suddenly she realised that she was in a cemetary...but when? Looking around she wondered, "How long have I been asleep?" "Three hundred centuries!" Cara turned to see if there was anyone with her, gaspign in surprise and baring her fangs to attack. "Oh poor little Cara is frigtened," came the deep voice, sending chills down her spine. Suddenly black dust, the very same kind that had resurected her moments before, started to take form in front of her. Slowly, a tall man as black as death appeared. Cara nearly jumped out of her skin. "There there my sweet vampire. Let me make you young again. Just come to me and let your face rest in my hands." She approached the man but was slow as age had caught up with her. Her dark-ringed, marble-gray eyes never left him. He put his arms in front of him and felt her wrinkly but smooth pale, oval-shaped face. She suddenly felt as if someone had cut her hand off and she screamed. It felt like someone had taken shards of glass to slowly peel and prick at the skins of her aged flesh. Closing her eyes while she shrieked in agony Cara was sure that she would die from the pain if not from the process. "Calm down, my sweet Cara." She begged and begged, blood and dirt racing down her cheeks. "Stop this!" she choked. "Stop this - please!" Suddenly the pain stopped slowly but suddenly. She could feel her skin slowly tightening against her bones...her vision was no longer blurred...her hair slowly started to regain it's lustrous sheen...at a snail's pace her body slowly started to regain it's beauty. The tall man smirked, satisfied at her shocked reaction. Despite her protests there was an obvious look of pleasure in her bright eyes. Taking his hands off her face he gave a bundle of clothes and said, "This is the year 2010, Cara." Shocked at hearing this she gasped and repeated, "2010?!" "Yes." And with that he left her standing there in the middle of the cemetry, wondering what life was like now and where this brand new start would suddenly take her... And that's the first chapter. My friend would like to know what you fellow answerers thought of it. But please no mean, nasty, insulting comments ok? Thanks :D Thank you to those who took the trouble and time to answer this question. And heffrum, that was harsh. My friend was disappointed :(

Public Comments

1. Ahahaha, pretty cool :D It sounds awesome. Im 14 years old and I write stories too :D Im currently writing one about War. :] Go ahead, and make the second chapter, that is really awesome.
2. nice telling us why the vampire wanted the girl as what your answerer told you in the previous question... that's a mark straight away, you're actually listening to what people want and doing it- most writers just ask and then think meh why did i ask and do it their own way instead its pretty cool but i'd like a feel of the setting you know and we don't get to know much about the characters i mean sure the vamp is old and decrepit and evil bu that's all i get with telling not showing. SHOW NOT TELL- one of the first rules if you ever want to become a good writer make it sound a bit more real by putting the character's emotion in but not too overly detailed as that just wrecks the whole damn thing so overall good but with some work it'll be great also i hope this takes vampires back to the dark gothic ways they were portrayed not that trashy twilight sh*t nowadays :)